Rated R – 1h32

There are a few truths that I hold to be self-evident. Peanut M&Ms will always be better than Plain M&Ms. Traffic will always jam up on the beltline between 7-8am and 3:30-5:30pm. Cameron Diaz talking like a truck driver is always better than Diaz in a romantic comedy. For some reason, Diaz playing a foul mouthed, cynic also seems a more natural fit for her.

Bad Teacher doesn’t come close to mimicking the uncouth comic genius that was 2003’s Bad Santa, but it tries. Elizabeth Halsey (Diaz) is a discourteous, gold-digging, foul-mouthed junior high school teacher. Dumped by her fiancé’ she is forced to retain her teaching job, which she puts a little effort into as possible.
That is, until she figures out how to monetize off her students academic success.

While there are moments that had the potential for fantastic raunchy comedy, they are matched with just as many weak plot points.

There are a couple subplots of Miss Halsey inappropriately trying to raise money for breast implants, a romantic storyline involving one of the students and Diaz wooing a fellow teacher, but none of it goes anywhere. A rivalry between Elizabeth and a goodie-two-shoes teacher is what feeds most of the story and I think that’s where the focus should have been.

It was impossible for me to separate the attempt to mirror Bad Santa. In that story, Billy Bob Thornton is a disgusting human being because it feeds his criminal behavior. Here, Diaz is just a slacker who wants the easy road to riches. I guess if she worked harder at being terrible, that would be a good thing.

While it’s hard not to focus on Diaz, the supporting male roles did entertain me. I’ve been a fan of Jason Segel for a while. He plays the Gym Teacher at the school who is just as attracted to Elizabeth’s bad characteristics as her good ones. The regular guy who is 20% sleaze-ball, is the character I like to see him play. Justin Timberlake plays a light-headed substitute teacher like he’s playing in a sketch on Saturday Night Live. He’s well aware that he’s being goofy.

Loving the anti-hero is no crime. They’re sometimes more attractive. Diaz is certainly attractive. As Jimmy Buffett says “I’ve read dozens of books about heroes and crooks and learned much from both of their styles. “

Bad Teacher needed more to it. Maybe more tequila.

5. Jennifer Lopez’s first ex-husband, Ojani Noa, is doing whatever he can to avoid going bankrupt, so he’s shopping a reality show called “I Owe J Lo.” The idea is that cameras will follow Ojani around as he tries to land jobs here and there to pay off the over half a million dollars he owes Jennifer. A judge ordered him to pay her Jennifer $545K in legal fees after he threatened to publish a book about their relationship.

4. I just love MediaTakeOut.com because they swear they have confirmation “VERY RELIABLE SOURCES” for every rumor they post. this time, they’re coverig their bases a little by saying they have “ALL BUT CONFIRMED” that Alicia Keys is pregnant and the baby daddy is her boyfriend, rapper/producer Swizz Beatz. The two have been dating since 2008 when Swizz and his wife — a singer named Mashonda — announced ther were splitting up.

3. New rumors are circulating that Nicole Scherzinger and her dance partner Derek Hough are dating. A source on the set of “Dancing With the Stars” says Derek will grab her hand as soon as they walk offstage and they’re constantly whispering to each other during commercial breaks while he rubs her back. Earlier in the season, Nicole addressed the first round of rumors, tweeting, “Derek is like a little brother 2 me. Everone knows how in luv & committed I am 2 Lewis!” Lewis would be her racecar driver boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton. But Nicole hasn’t addressed the latest round of rumors….

2. Jamie Foxx has been working on his fourth CD, but his record label bosses at J Records/RCA weren’t happy with the early material he’s turned in, so they’ve called Justin Timberlake to come back in and help co-write and perform on more songs with Jamie. Justin had already collaborated on at least 3 tracks, including the first release called “Winner.” Producers reworked that single and included a guest verse from T.I. after he was released from prison. Jamie’s CD was supposed to be released this month, but then got pushed back to June and then got delayed again to July 20.
1. RadarOnlinec.com got the scoop first — Halle Berry and Gabriel Autry have broken up. It actually happened a few months ago, but lawyers had to work out a financial and custody deal before it was announced. Halle and Gabriel had been together for five years, and a source says Halle thought she’d found her soulmate. The two of them never married, but they did have a child together. Nahla just turned 2 in March. But a source says Gabriel’s the one who ended the relationship because their age difference finally got to him. Halle’s 43; he’s 34. Plus, he was starting to become attracted to other women. The source says Gabriel’s a good guy and rather than cheat on Halle, he decided to be honest with her and end things. At first, Halle was freaking out that he was going to go after her money, but Gabriel’s not that kind of guy. His main concern was custody of his daughter. He wanted 50/50 joint physical custody — and Halle agreed to that. And all he asked for was the house they own together in Canada. Halle made the down payment, but Gabriel made every single mortgage payment. She agreed to let him have it. And that’s it. A nice, clean breakup and now Halle is single again.

5. Three celebrity breakups in one day? What’s going on in Hollywood? After 13 years of marriage, Larry King is divorcing wife number seven, Shawn Southwick. She’s accusing him of having an affair with her sister. Ew. Melissa and Tammy Ethridge have ended their nine-year relationship. The two of them exchanged vows in 2003 and once same-sex marriage was recognized in California in 2008, the two of them planned to make it legal but never got around to it. They have 3-year-old twins — a son named Miller and daughter named Johnnie Rose. Melissa has two other kids with her former partner Julie Cypher, who left Lou Diamond Phillips for Melissa but later decided she didn’t want to be a lesbian any more. And last but not least, Mel Gibson has dumped his baby mama Oksana Grigorieva, reportedly because she was pressuring him to marry her.

4. One of Tiger Woods’ mistresses has been arrested. Jaimee Grubbs — who relased that infamous voice mail Tiger left for her to “Us Magazine” — was arrested on three warrants for driving on a suspended license. Police pulled her over last night and after running her license plate, all these warrants popped up. She was booked and released early this morning after posting over $30K in bail.

3. Kate Hudson was proud of her small boobies…or so we thought. She has gone and gotten herself a little boob job. Literally. It’s just a little boob job. Nothing blatantly obvious. But Kate was noticeably fuller up top while hanging out at a pool in Miami last week. A source says Kate always made jokes about her small breasts and acted like it was no big deal, but her chest has always been one of her biggest insecurities.

2. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have been on again/off again for a while now. But this time, it may be off again for good. A source says it tortured Jessica when Justin landed a role in the movie “Bad Teacher” co-starring his ex-girlfriend Cameron Diaz. They dated for four years and Jessica was the first girl Justin dated after he and Cameron broke up. But sources say Justin and Cameron flirt shamelessly on the set and are acting more and more like a couple. Jessica and Justin have been having huge arguments over the phone about it and then he turns around and gets all this flirty attention from Cameron. In fact, one source says Justin’s been making fun of Jessica to his friends, which means he’s lost respect for her. And once the respect is gone………..Sorry, Jessica.

1. Thanks to the judges saving Michael Lynch last week, “American Idol” was forced to send two contestants home last night. First to go was Andrew Garcia. No big surprise there. Then after a little entertainment from Season 7’s Brooke White, Miley Cyrus’ ex-boyfriend Justin Gaston, and Adam Lambert, it was down to Katie Stevens and Michael Lynch. Katie got a boot in the butt and a hug from Big Mike. So now we’re down to the final seven, who will sing inspirational songs next week and be mentored by Alicia Keys.

John Mayer is starting to stand for: insert foot in mouth. His Rolling Stone interview was racy enough but his Playboy interview makes that look like a Disney show. He goes into details about how wild Jessica Simpson was and compares her to crack cocaine. He says that he would have paid 10,000 dollars just to keep the “romantic” side of their relationship. He goes into detail about what happened with him and Jennifer Aniston. The interviewer asks if he still loves her and he says, “Yes, always. I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.” Being 32 means he doesn’t want pet dogs in the kitchen and he wants to tweet. He says that Jen hated the technology side of him and that was the huge difference between them. His goal for the year is to become well liked and get into US Weekly as much as possible.

Oh Fergie Ferg might be regretting that vow renewal! Nicole Forrester, the stripper who claimed to have an affair with Josh Duhamel is 3 months pregnant. She says that she is 95 percent certain that she’s pregnant with Josh’s baby. She says that she hasn’t decided what she is going to do but says that she is probably carrying a million dollar baby! If this turns out to be true, is there any way that Fergie can move past this?!

Kate Hudson has her sights set on a new man and she might have a chance! Apparently, Kate has always had a thing for Justin Timberlake and has been putting on the full court press since hearing he’s on the outs with Jessica Biel. A source close to her says that they’ve both had a “thing” for each other for years but the timing has always been off. Kate and Justin were said to be canoodling at the SAG awards where they presented together. Kate flirted with Justin outrageously that night, and he was all over her. They exchanged numbers in the green room. The rumor around Hollywood is that Justin and Jessica are over and their relationship has evolved into just friends.

Well Justin Timblerlake was only single for a couple days it seems. He is definitely back together with Jessica Biel. After going to visit her in Canada, they were seen holding hands at the Jay-Z concert in LA. Also there? Justin’s rumored affair partner, Rihanna. Either nothing happened between them or he’s a genius at 2-timing. Bringing your girlfriend to your other girlfriend’s show?

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, one of basketball’s all-time greatest players, has just announced this morning that he has cancer. This comes a year after he was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia. Normally super private, he said he wanted to go public with the news because too often people don’t follow through with their treatment plans. He lost one os his closest friends to cancer and wants to make people aware of the importance of regular checkups. Doctors predict that his treatment will work and allow him to live a relatively normal life.

Benji and Joel Madden don’t seem to like radio hosts. The brothers were doing an interview yesterday for a FOXFM radio show and they walked out mid-interview. He then tweeted that he walked out of the program because he wasn’t in the mood to be a clown. He also said, “Most of the time I can put up with idiot morning show hosts, but not today. Apparently, things were going fine until the hosts asked the brothers to test out their twin sense and see if they could tell what the other was thinking. Benji put on an eye mask and they handed Joel the picture of Britney getting out of the car with no underwear on. Benji guessed that his brother was annoyed – which turned out to be right! Joel said “I think I’m pretty laid back dude, but you guys are getting on my nerves.” The hosts apologized, but continued the bit. Joel though he was being made to look stupid, so he just walked out.

Not like being on the Tyra Banks show to show off your “shampooing skills” makes you look stupid or anything. Nah…

5. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has announced that he has cancer, but he waited almost a year after being diagnosed to go public. Kareem says he was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia in December of last year and he’s being treated with a medicine that targets the abnormal protein that causes his leukemia. Karem says he’s expected to fully recover and live a full, active life. He made the decision to tell his story because he learned that many patients don’t regularly take their medications and skip doctor appointments, and he wants people to follow his example so they, too, can hopefully conquer their cancers.

4. After being fired from “Melrose Place,” Ashlee Simpson-Wentz isn’t wasting any time sitting around licking her wounds. She’s reportedly signed on to play Roxie Hart in the Broadway production of “Chicago.” She starts her six-week run next month. This is a role Ashlee has played before in the London run of the musical.

3. Justin Timberlake wasn’t there to face his stalker in court, but he was still granted a permanent restraining order against Karen McNeil. Ms. McNeil now has to stay 100 yards away from Justin, his home and his car. She can’t contact him directly or indirectly, either.

2. Lamar Odom is staying true to his wedding vows. He and his buddies went to dinner at LA’s Phillipe Chow Monday night and this group of girls made a beeline for Lamar’s table. They sat right down and started full-on flirting, and while Lamar’s buddies were eating it up, he was having nothing to do with it. He sat there stone faced for as long as he could stand it, and then called over a manager to have the women escorted away from the table. His friends were ticked, but Lamar was noticeably relieved.

1. We keep learning more and more about Lindsay Lohan from those recorded tapes her dad leaked to the media. This time we get to hear from a conversation Michael taped between him and his ex-wife Dina. Dina tells Michael that Lindsay was secretly dating Heath Ledger when he died and that she was left devestated. Dina said to Michael, “She was dating Heath when he died. I don’t know if you know that, but I know ’cause I would drop her off and they were friends. Very, very close, okay?” Dina said she was only telling Michael because she was afraid for Lindsay’s life, too. She said, “Because when she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it, she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.” In the same call, Dina said the situation was desperate because Lindsay simply could not be alone. She told Michael, “When she sleeps here, she sleeps with me…She has fears from being little and what you did to us.” Dina was also worried about Lindsay’s relationship with Samantha Ronson, telling Michael that she thought Lindsay should just walk away, even though it wasn’t that simple. She said, “It’s very easy for a rational person to say. But for an irrational person who has a problem with her DNA and alcohol and Adderall and asthma and every other thing she’s got wrong with her…”

Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel back together already? It seems he’s taking his friends’ and his mom’s advice and trying to work things out. They were spotted walking arm-in-arm while taking a stroll in Vancouver yesterday. This is following a date night the previous evening, when they were spotted cuddling in the theater while watching “Where the Wild Things Are”.

Not that anyone cares about this but Jason Mesnick, who infamously reversed his decision after the finale of The Bachelor to choose Molly Malaney instead of original choice Melissa Rycroft, has asked Molly to marry him. The couple has been doing the long distance thing, him in Seattle and her in Milwaukee. They returned to New Zealand which was the site of his bachelor proposal to Melissa, and he “did it right this time”. Jason proposed by putting a diamond and platinum ring in a glass of champagne and passing it to her — and he had a camera on a timer to capture the moment. Cheezy.

Did Joel Madden and Nicole Richie secretly get married? The latest issue of Star magazine is reporting that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are already married. The mag says that they had a small ceremony at their home last week-however, Joel took to his Twitter of course to deny the rumors. He said he wanted his friends and family to know that they are definitely not married YET.

A 3 time Oscar nominee and girl from The Hills? This would be traumatizing if it’s true, but the rumor is that Leonardo DiCaprio is dating Whitney Port. Sources are saying that he is trying to get her to move back to LA and texts her nonstop from the set of his new movie “Inception”. However, another source has said that they are not dating but they did hook up when they were hanging out at a club a few weeks ago. Leo needs to get it together. He goes from dating supermodels to this?

It sounds like Justin Timberlake’s friends are more upset than Justin about his breakup. They think that it was a bad idea for him to end things with her. Apparently his friends think that she is one of the best things that ever happened to him. To punish him they have stopped hanging out with him! He was expecting them to party with him as soon as he became single, but they say they don’t want to put up with him chatting up different girls every night. Even JT’s own mother is rooting for Jessica. She says Biel is perfect for him because she will golf with him, give him a hard time and stand up to him!

If you had to imagine the worst reality couple who would you think of? How about Jon Gosselin and Octo-mom? Well if Nadya Suleman has it her way, this would be the case.  She is on the prowl and wants Jon Gosselin. She has already said that Kate needs to stay single to take care of her brood. And then she says, “I have a crush on Jon Gosselin, I think he’s hot!” This could be a good publicity stunt. Jon and Nadya Plus 16?!

5. Despite weak reviews, “Couples Retreat” was the big winner at the box office this weekend, taking in over $35 million in ticket sales. Last week’s number one movie, “Zombieland,” fell to second with $15 million. “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” is third with another $12 million, followed by “Toy Story/Toy Story 2″ (3D) in fourth and “Paranormal Activity” in fifth.

4. Jon Gosselin has filed court papers accusing Kate of violating a court order by taking money out of a joint account. In other words, he’s accusing her of doing the same thing she’s accusing him of doing. While Kate claims John took out $230K, Jon says he wants a written explanation of the $1 million Kate took out and he wants to know where she’s hiding it.

3. Robert Pattinson wants us all to know that Taylor Lautner is the true star of “New Moon.” Robert says, “I’m not the lead in the second film. Taylor is. I appear in Bella’s dreams, so I’m in it, but the focus is not on me.” And Robert is really okay with that, saying that it makes him feel more free. Robert says he doesn’t take the sex symbol stuff too seriously because girls scream for Edward Cullen, not Robert Pattinson.

2. Miley Cyrus has been getting a lot of flack for deleting her Twitter account out of nowhere. Her fans demand an explanation! So she’s given them one. She wrote a looooong blog on her official website that says, in part, “It breaks my spirit to hear that some of you feel neglected since I deleted my twitter…I often complain to the ones closest to me that I don’t seem to have much of a private life any more and part of that is my fault. How can I whine about my life being too public if I am the one telling the world what I am doing?…Twitter is not the only thing I am cutting back on…I just think kids all over the world could maybe take a little vacation from Cyberspace…If we spent more time enjoying what we are doing besides tweeting about it, we would enjoy our lives a whole lot more.” As far as the rumor that her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth made her get rid of it, Miley says, “I hope my true fans know how stupid that is…Liam is a wonderful friend and he did not try to make me delete my page, he just helped me realize how much time I was wasting on that site.”

1. Rumors have been going around that Justin Timberlake dumped Jessica Biel and has taken up with Rihanna. Well, Rihanna reportedly tracked down Jessica’s phone number so she could tell her personally that all those rumors about her messing around with Justin are completely false. Rihanna told Jessica that she loves Justin as a friend, but that’s IT.

It looks like it’s officially OVER between Justin and Jessica.

Friends of JT’s say the singer finally dumped his girlfriend of 3 years, Jessica Biel, last month over the phone. JT told his pals that “it’s over” between he and Biel, even though other insiders (aka Jessica’s friends) say that they can’t be positive the two have split because “with them it’s so hot and cold.” Apparently Jessica is refusing to give up on the relationship, with sources saying the actress is in “severe denial and won’t accept” the split.

AND
As far as things with Rihanna go, supposedly they were dancing pretty hot and heavily at the VMAs after party in New York and then took their own party back to RiRi’s hotel room. Word has it that Jessica found out about their rendezvous within days.

A source told Star magazine (so who knows how credible this is), that Rihanna and Justin have been talking and texting on the phone nonstop since the VMAs. She asked him on the phone, ‘Are you still with Jessica?’ And he hinted that things were cooling off between them.” JT and Rihanna are said to be heating up the recording studio lately, not only with working together on her new album, but apparently RiRi was giving out lap dances to Justin as well!

As wrong as it sounds, the genius tome penned by Lauren Conrad will become a feature film! Temple Hill Entertainment, which has the Twilight saga under its belt, has purchased the screen rights to L.A. Candy. The bestselling book follows Jane Roberts, a 19-year old who moves to El Lay, finds fame as a reality star and is forced to deal with the repercussions of fame. “Lauren, who became an icon in that reality show world, came to us with a structure of how to tell the story in an interesting fashion that was separate and apart from the book,” said Temple Hill partner, Marty Bowen. “We loved her take. Her book is an honest portrayal of what it must be like to set out to be normal, then sign on to become famous and eventually realize, wow, this isn’t at all what I’d planned for myself.”Her book has been on the New York Times bestsellers list for 14 weeks and, unfortunately, we can look forward to two more books from LC.

Kanye West threw a fit over the weekend at Common’s charity concert at the Hollywood Palladium – all over some chicken!

While in the dressing room backstage, Kanye saw someone eating chicken and he freaked out shouting, “Why wasn’t I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and] everyone is eating…why am I not eating?”  The waiter told him it was because he didn’t ask and Kanye snapped back with, “Well, I’m asking now!” The waiter promptly got him the chicken to which Kanye responded by taking a single bite and throwing the rest out.  Apparently girlfriend Amber Rose looked pretty embarrassed and rightly so!