Here’s what’s going on in the world of David Letterman lately.

He’s playing off a threat to his life by the only way he know, by poking fun at it. Threats against him were posted last week on a website frequently utilized by al-Qaeda to communicate messages. Last night, his Top Ten list was titled “Top 10 thoughts went through my mind after hearing about the threat.”

Here is the awesomeness:

10. Someone wants to silence me? Get in line.
9. Nothing says summer fun like a death threat.
8. Why is the staff in such a good mood?
7. Save me, Oprah.
6. Should I wear my Kevlar hairpiece?
5. And here I thought nobody watched the show.
4. How can someone be so angry at a time when Kim Kardashian is so happy?
3. Some people get Emmy nominations; some people get death threats.
2. This seems like (Jay) Leno’s handiwork.
1. Oh my God! They canceled the George Lopez Show

Am I the only one NOT surprised this was/is happening?

Brought to you by: Dr. McGillicuddy’s

Letterman’s extortionist wasn’t looking for money after all.

It turns out that the Robert “Joe” Halderman, the guy trying to extort David Letterman, wanted REVENGE not money. Insiders say that he wanted to make Letterman miserable for sleeping with his then girlfriend at the time, Stephanie Birkitt. Stephanie was Letterman’s assistant before becoming his personal attorney. So the guy was just hurt about getting cheated on, and the money was just going to be a bonus. Now, it turns out that Stephanie Birkitt has been banned from the Late Show set. Though CBS is claiming that she is only on a paid leave of absence, security guards at the Ed Sullivan Theater have said that they were given orders to not allow her inside.

Sarah Palin must be thrilled about this news. Her daughter’s baby daddy, Levi Johnston, is going to bare it all. Literally. He is going to pose for an upcoming issue of Playgirl. He has been training 3 hours a day in Anchorage to prepare for the shoot. His attorney has confirmed the news and says that Playgirl came to him, offering him some good money for the photos. Sarah can’t be too happy about this considering she is still being mentioned as a possible 2012 presidential candidate. Her new memoir “ Going Rogue” comes out next month-just in time for the new issue of Playgirl!

So Tila Tequila never had plans to kill herself after all and she took to her blog to clear up all the drama. She says, “I am a bit embarrassed and ashamed that the whole world witnessed my very public meltdown about being suicidal. Suicide Is Not the Answer. Had I not spoken out for help, my loved ones would not have seen my cry for help, and I probably wouldn’t be alive today. Had I not done what I did that night, I most definitely would have made the biggest mistake of my life, that I can never undo.” She said the root of her meltdown is the post traumatic stress she has been suffering since the altercation with Shawn Merriman. She says that she is now seeking medical attention so she can put all the pieces back together.

Kanye West may be able to take time off to think about his life after all now that his concert tour has been canceled. Live Nation announced that the “Fame Kills” tour with Lady Gaga will not happen at all. They gave no reason behind the cancellation. Kanye did tell Jay Leno last month that he planned to take some time off in light of the VMA incident with Taylor Swift so this may be what he was referring to.The three-month, 34-show tour across the United States and Canada was to start next month. Tickets went on sale last week. Live Nation is offering refunds to all of those who bought tickets. Mediatakeout claims it’s Gaga who wanted out, not Kanye, but reps for both have not responded as of yet!

David Letterman made a shocking personal confession on his show last night, admitting he was the victim of a $2 million extortion attempt and that he had had sexual relations with female members of staff. A few weeks ago, he received a blackmail package from someone that claimed to have knowledge about him and relations with other female members of his staff. The sender wanted to 2 million dollars or said they were going public. Last night on his show he said he went to testify in court and admitted to the relationships despite the embarrassment. Letterman helped participate in a sting operation, eventually meeting with the extortionist and giving them a counterfeit $2 million check. Police made the arrest yesterday and CBS announced that the suspect was an employee for 48 Hours.

(He has a longtime girlfriend (from 1986) who he married this past March and they have a son together.)
As we know, Kevin Jonas is set to marry his girlfriend of a few year, Danielle Deleasa sometime this winter. Things are being held up by money of course and may halt the wedding completely. Kevin is supposedly getting a serious prenup drafted for Danielle to sign because he wants to protect his millions. Apparently she isn’t happy AT ALL. She still hasn’t signed the prenup and is taking time to “come to terms with the request”. She is bothered by the lack of trust it shows!

5. Kate Gosselin says she is sad and confused by Jon’s statements to the media about how TLC is wrecking their children’s lives. Kate says, in fact, that Jon is on record as saying he believes the show benefits their children and he was taping as recently as last Friday. But as soon as he found out he was being cut from the show and it was being renamed “Kate Plus 8,” he suddenly had these huge moral issues with it. Kate’s released a statement saying, “It appears that Jon’s priority is Jon and his interests. My priority remains our children and their well being.”TLC also slammed Jon, saying that his latest comments that his eight kids are suffering as a result of the show are “grossly inaccurate, without merit and clearly opportunistic.” Meantime, the show has been suspended pending further conversations between both parents.

4. Kristen Stewart did an interview with “Interview” magazine and says that she’s not a big fan of the fame that came along with her role as Bella in the “Twilight” series. She says, “I’d like to take more walks after work, instead of having to come back to my hotel room and not leave. So it can be boring.” In fact, she says, “It can be annoying.” But Kristin doesn’t believe she’ll always be so famous. She says she has a feeling that this is the most intense it’s going to get and that it will be fleeting. But in the meantime, two people who ARE digging Kristin’s fame are her parents — especially her dad, who she says is “embarrassingly proud,” going around with all these magazines and pointing out his daughter to people.

3. Tyson Ritter had to have surgery to remove a tumor from his leg, but he’s the type of guy that believes “The show must go on!” So that very night, he performed with the All-American Rejects in Tampa while sitting in a wheelchair and wearing a leg brace. But somebody finally knocked some sense into him, and the band has canceled some upcoming shows to give Tyson’s leg a chance to heal properly. The Rejects will pick up touring again on November 3.

2. Last night on his show, David Letterman shocked everybody when he revealed that somebody had tried to blackmail him for $2 million, and that he had just testified before a grand jury to put his blackmailer behind bars. Dave said that 3 weeks ago, he got a package from somebody who claimed to have information about several sexual relationships he’d had with his female employees. This guy was a producer for “48 Hours” named Joe Halderman, and Joe said he’d go public with the information if Dave didn’t pay up. Well, Dave did have several relationships with several of his employees, but he wasn’t about to give in to a blackmailer. So he contacted the Manhattan DA’s office and investigators told Dave to mail a phony $2 million check to this guy. And that led to Joe’s arrest yesterday. A TV station in NY found out that one of the women at the center of this extortion case is Dave’s former assistant Stephanie Birkitt, who was the suspect’s girlfriend and lived with him until recently.

1. Live Nation released a statement yesterday saying the Lady Gaga and Kanye West’s “Fame Kills” tour has been canceled. Not postponed. Canceled. They offered no explanation, just said that anybody who bought tickets can get a full refund. The tour was scheduled to kick off November 10 in Phoenix and it was scheduled to run through at least January. But TMZ says forget the rumors that Kanye is finally going to take that time off he said he needed to deal with his mother’s death. TMZ says the tour was scrapped because ticket sales were pathetic, and Lady Gaga decided she’d be better off playing smaller venues. Plus, sources say Kanye’s and Gaga’s people were constantly at each other’s throats, and it was just becoming too much drama.

Late night has a new super stud, as David Letterman dropped a bombshell saying he’s fulfilled countless guys dreams of getting it on with their female coworkers.

Granted, he did it to beat out a guy from CBS’s 48 Hours who was blackmailing him for about two million. I suppose that’s one way to take control of the situation.

Here’s the thing. Are there really a lot of ladies that are lining up at Letterman’s door? Outside of his “get freaky” conversations with Madonna, the guy probably isn’t going to make the 100 Sexiest Men list.

What’s that? He has a bajillion dollars, and may be one of the most powerful TV and political figures in the world? Oh yeah….

Anyway, I usually don’t recommend getting involved with your coworkers, especially if you have an extra $2,000,000 laying around.

5. Kate Gosselin taped the pilot for her new TV show yesterday and everybody says it was pretty good. The show is based on the website called Mom Logic, and while Kate isn’t the star, she’s one of the featured players. Paula Deen and Rene Syler are also part of the cast. Producers originally had scheduled Scary Spice Mel B and Christie Brinkley to be guests for the taping, but scheduling problems led to a last minute change of plans. But a source says despite some last minute scrambling, things went extremely well and Kate did great. Everybody loved it.

4. John Travolta will testify in the extortion trial involving the death of his son Jett. John will fly back to the Bahamas to testify on behalf of the prosecution. Paramedic Tarino Lightbourne and former politician Pleasant Bridgewater are accused of demanding $25 million from John and his wife Kelly Preston in exchange for not going public with a document authorizing paramedics to take 16-year-old Jett to the hospital by ambulance after he suffered a massive seizure.

3. Lindsay Lohan reportedly was kicked out of the Bowery Hotel in NY after a huge fight with Samantha Ronson. Lindsay apparently threw a room service tray at a door she THOUGHT was Samantha’s, but it ended up being another hotel guest’s room. That’s what got her thrown out. Lindsay REALLY likes to throw things when she’s angry. Remember earlier this year, police were called out to Samantha’s house after Lindsay smashed her window during another ugly fight.

2. Tonight will be Barack Obama’s fifth appearance on “The Late Show with David Letterman,” but this is the first time that a sitting president has been on the show. Obama is the only guest scheduled. One place you will not be seeing Obama making any appearances? Fox News. He says the network is entirely devoted to attacking his administration.

1. David Hasselhoff was rushed to the hospital by ambulance yesterday afternoon to be treated for alcohol poisoning. He’s been hospitalized for this same thing more than 5 times in just the past few years, most recently this past May. David recently wrapped taping for “America’s got Talent” and reportedly went on a bender shortly after that. His 17-year-old daughter Haley reportedly called her mom to tell her dad was drunk again and then a friend of the family called 911. Those close to him say he is in denial about his severe alcoholism.

I’m guessing you’re already bored with the wacky hijinks of Favre, I know I am.

So, lets get back to what we’re good at.  Ripping on celebrities.

To skank or not to skank, Britney Spears knows how to market herself.

Second thought, maybe I’ll watch that one again.  I’ll just turn the volume down this time.

Not that I don’t like Conan O’Brien, I like them both.  But Letterman pulled a classic old time comedy bit on the show this week while discussing the rally outside his office to get him fired.

The guy is like Yoda telling Luke how to turn the dark side of “the force” upside down.  Letterman has taken the Sarah Palin fueled rallies to fire him, and turned them into his own comic bits.  Sweet revenge.