Q: What do you get when you put 12 “D-List” celebrities in a room together and make them spin in circles.

A: Dancing With The Stars.

Really?  Could this cast be any lamer?

Ron Artest – LA Laker & known agitator

World Cup soccer player Hope Solo – was she the one who tore her shirt off on the field?  No.

Robert Kardashian – not even one of the Kardashian sisters

Kristin Cavallar – MTV Reality show star

Chaz Bono - Cher’s kid who switched from a man to a woman

Nancy Grace – boring TV personality

Carson Kressley - Queer Eye For The Straight Guy personaliy.  At least he’ll dress the place up.

Ricki Lake - Her talk show was canceled for a reason

Chynna Phillips – Wonder if she can “hold on for one more day.”

David Arquette - Separated from Courtney Cox, but has appeared in every Scream movie.

J.R. Martinez - Who?  The All My Children actor who is also an Iraq war vet who suffered burns over 40% of his body.  (Now I feel bad.)

Elisabetta Canalis – George Clooney’s ex-girlfreind.

For about 90% of them, calling them a “celebrity” or a “star” is a stretch at best.  I weep for the future.

Unfortunately, this is one of the seriously bad parts of being a celebrity.

Joss Stone is believed to have been the target of a possible “murder plot” this week following the arrest of two men near her home in Devon, England

Police apprehended Two suspects on Tuesday morning. Both men, who are in their early 30s, were arrested for possession of an offensive weapon and going equipped to burgle/steal, while one was also accused of driving while disqualified.

According to reports in the British media, the two are thought to have been planning to rob and murder the 24-year-old multi-millionaire. A source was quoted in a number of outlets, including The Telegraph, saying it was thought the pair planned to cause the singer “really serious harm.”

Here she is performing on Dancing With The Stars in September of 2009, covering “Son Of A Preacher Man.”

Story thanks to Spinner.com

Too bad Daniel-san.

The only thing that made Dancing With The Stars relatively interesting this year was the fact that Ralph Macchio was on it.

Now he’s gone.

49-year old  Macchio was eliminated from ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” last night but says he has no regrets about his experience

“I gave 100 percent every week and I’m proud of the opportunity.  The fans were awesome and I loved it.”

Now what surprises me about this all is the fact that Macchio is 49 YEARS OLD!

Holy smokes. I think I’m going to go back and watch the original The Karate Kid.  Didn’t he show off some of his dance moves in the date scene?

Get out your dancing shoes, tonight’s Dancing with the Stars hopes to bring it big tonight.  I’ve got the inside scoop on who will be dancing what, and which tune they’ll use:

–Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke — “Tush” (jive)
– Florence Henderson and Corky Ballas — “Suddenly I See” (quickstep)
– Brandy and Maks Chmerkovskiy — “Magic” (jive)
– Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower — “Hound Dog” (quickstep)
– Audrina Patridge and Tony Dovolani — “Love Machine” (quickstep)
– Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough — “Shake It” (jive)
– Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel — “Dreaming” (jive)
– Kyle Massey and Lacey Schwimmer– “I Want You To” (quickstep)
– Kurt Warner and Anna Trebunskaya — “Danger Zone” (jive)
– Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas — “You Can’t Hurry Love” (quickstep)
– The Situation and Karina Smirnoff — “We No Speak Americano” (quickstep)

Makes me curious: Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel — “Dreaming” (jive)…to make a joke this week or not to make a joke?

Makes me worry for them: Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough — “Shake It” (jive)…I’m predicting there will be an enormous lack of rhythm here.  Sad

Hats off to The Situation’s song choice.  I thought Bristol Palin was the only one trying to tell a story through the music with last week’s “Mama Told Me (Not to Come”.

Even though the Hoff is the most watched man in the history of tv, he was the first to go.  Now that takes a terrible dancer.  Plus who knew Kurt Warner was such a hottie!

Will Jennifer Grey have the time of her life? I’m predicting no. It may even be a Kate Gosselin moment…eeeek!

5. Paris Hilton bumped into her ex Doug Reinhardt at a Hollywood club and then proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the night. Paris showed up with a possee including Brandon Davis — most famous for calling Lindsay Lohan a “fire crotch” — and was apparently shocked to find Doug there. Sources say it then became a contest to see who was having the better time. Doug was flaunting some blonde girl he was with on one side of the dance floor and Paris was across the room pretending not to notice.

4.  Sources behind the scenes at “Dancing With the Stars” say Jake and Vienna were inconsolable after he was kicked off Tuesday night. Before the show even started, Jake was heading in with the lowest scores from the night before. So he and Vienna huddled together, held hands and prayed for survival. Their prayers were not answered. When it was announced that Jake was going home, he mouthed to Vienna, “It’s okay…” And after he made his goodbye speech and the cameras stopped rolling, he made his way over to his beautiful fiancee and they sobbed and hugged on each other. The head producer even went over to try to comfort the two of them. If you, like me, detected a weird tension on his dance partner Chelsie’s part when he was telling her he loved her and blah blah blah blah, sources say the second the cameras stopped rolling, Chelsie immediately walked away from Jake and went straight to her boyfriend Mark Ballas for a little loving and hugging of her own. A source says Jake often made Chelsie cry during rehearsals and she’s actually relieved to be done with him.

3. Justin Bieber is not happy with his fans — at least not the most rabid ones that knocked down and trampled his mother! About 500 fans were waiting to see Justin when he arrived in New Zealand Tuesday and things got out of control. Justin tweeted about it later, saying, “Not happy that someone stole my hat and knocked down my mama. Come on people…” He told his fans that he wants to sign autographs and take pictures and meet the fans, but if they keep pushing and making it a dangerous situation, security won’t allow him to do any of that. Fortunately, his mom Pattie wasn’t injured in the trampling and Justin even got his hat back.

2. About 10 years ago, Chelsea Handler made a sex tape, but she claims the whole thing was a joke. RadarOnline.com claims they’ve seen it and during the first part of the tape, it shows Chelsea doing part of her standup routine. Then the camera cuts to Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment and then getting it on with some British dude. At the end of their fun time, the man asks Chelsea if they got the shot, Chelsea looks right in the camera and smiles, and the tape immediately cuts back to her continuing her stand-up routine in her apartment. RadarOnline confired the tape was sent out to agents as a demo when Chelsea was trying to book standup gigs. Chelsea claims the tape may be graphic, but it wasn’t real. And she was really ticked that somebody even tried to blackmail her, saying they wanted a million dollars for the tape.
1. Jenna Jameson says she can prove Tito Ortiz was lying when he accused her of being high on OxyContin during their fight Monday that left her with torn ligaments in her shoulder. On the day of the incident, Tito’s attorney said, “Jenna has been fighting a battle with OxyContin addiction for the past year. For Tito and her family this has been an uphill battle. Unfortunately this morning she had a relapse. Tito was trying to help her. She has threatened suicide before. Tito has done everything in his power to protect her privacy and the privacy of their children.” But Jenna denied she was taking any drugs. So the very next day, she took a drug test that tested her for 10 major drugs, including Oxycodone, cocaine, marijuana and meth. She tested clean. And TMZ says she’s telling the truth. So now I don’t know who to believe!!

Tiger Woods made his first professional appearance yesterday at Augusta, preparing for the Masters this weekend. Elin has no intention of attending, however Tiger has hired 90 other people to join him. Tiger doesn’t think the 200 security guards provided by the tournament will be enough, so he’s hired 90 to personally watch over him. This includes former Secret Service agents, FBI, and armed deputies. This is all because he is concerned one of the mistresses is going to confront him. Joslyn James has already said she intends on picketing the tournament with megaphones just to harass him. Tiger will have 8 guards surrounding his body at all times so no one can get through.

Jesse James’s angry side is starting to show. He has left rehab after just one week all because Sandra won’t take his calls. He is desperate to put his marriage back together and when he realized she is not going to speak to him anymore, he packed his bags and left. Sandra has hired a top security company to surround her because she is worried he is going to try and talk to her in person.

Sandra isn’t the only Oscar winner furious at her man. Kate Winslet’s separation hasn’t gotten much press because of the Jesse James scandal. Kate split from her husband Sam Mendes because of another woman? Sources are speculating that Sam and Kate had it out over his interest in an ex,  Rachel Weisz. Sam is in talks to direct the new Bond movie and is insistent on casting Rachel for the lead. Kate said she wouldn’t have any of it and the second they separated, Sam called Rachel asking her to be in the film.

Erin Andrews, just got finished sending one creep to prison and now there’s another one. An unidentified man has been sending death threats to the ESPN star through a local radio station. The station notified her reps just this weekend and had already notified the FBI. Security on the Dancing with the Stars set has been beefed up and the FBI says they know the person they are looking for. Overall, this person has sent in 12 threats ranging from explicit to violent and even mentioning the man who was caught filming Erin in her hotel rooms. Erin released a statement saying that she is not a quitter and doesn’t want to let everyone down so she’s going to continue in the competition.

5. While we’re holding a fabulous “Kings of GLEEon!” contest where you and your trio or quartet can win trips to see the Glee Live! in LA, NY and Chicago, FOX is now holding auditions for new cast members. To apply online, you have to be between the ages of 16 and 26 and not under a current recording contract or any other kind of contract that would keep you from doing the show exclusively. The deadline to apply is April 26 and production begins sometime around the first of July. Go to www.myspace.com to get all the details.

4. Dr. Drew hosts “Celebrity Rehab” and he says he has a bad feeling about Lindsay Lohan. He told RadarOnline, “I fear for her. If the reports are true that she’s taking pills, I would love to know who is prescribing them to her…I’ve always said that Lindsay Lohan can be a wonderful, recovering person, provided she gets treatment and successfully completes rehab.” Unlike Britney Spears, Dr. Drew doesn’t think a conservatorship for Lindsay because she hasn’t shown any signs that she has mental health issues. He said, ” In this country you can use drugs until you die, that isn’t grounds to get a conservatorship over someone. Britney’s conservatorship was genius, but it took a lot to successfully pull it off, and she is clearly in a much better place now because of it.”

3. Spoiler alert! A shocking elimination on “Dancing With The Stars” last night. Pam Anderson and Shannen Doherty were in the bottom two, but at the end of the night, it was Shannen who ended up in the embarrassing position of being the first celebrity eliminated. Her partner Mark Ballas was going to have to drop out of the competition anyway because he injured himself during Monday’s dress rehearsal. His dad Corky would’ve stepped in had Shannen made it, but Shannen says without her partner Mark, she wouldn’t have wanted to continue anyway.

2. A fifth woman is getting ready to come forward to say she also had an affair with Jesse James. RadarOnline says this woman’s been reaching out to attorneys and PR firms over the past few days, and that she may reveal herself before the end of the week. We’re also finding out that Sandra Bullock had some suspicions that Jesse was cheating on her before the news of his affair with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee broke. A source says Sandra and Jesse got into about 4 or 5 blowouts over her suspicions, but every time, he denied having any affairs. He did admit to visiting strip clubs, but that’s it.

1. In a last-ditch effort to stop Sandra from divorcing him, Jesse James has checked into Sierra Tucson, which specializes in drug, alcohol, and — yes — sex addictions. A source says Jesse is begging Sandra not to divorce him and offered to go to the same rehab center that Tiger Woods went to if she would support him and stick with him. She said no. She said a lot more than no, but I can’t cuss on here. But Jesse is desperate to save his marriage, so he checked into sex rehab anyway. But the source says it’s a case of “too little, too late,” and that Sandra is moving forward with a divorce. Apparently she doesn’t take world-wide humiliation very well.

This is something that will come as a complete shock to us all, Ricky Martin is gay. Ricky Martin released a statement yesterday on his website that says, “I am proud to be a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed.” Though we’ve all known this is the case, he has always dismissed doubts about his preference over the years. He said that he acted this way because he didn’t think the world was ready. He said he changed his mind about keeping this secret because of his two twin boys and he wants them to live an open life. He says the world is finally ready for him as a gay man.

Kim Kardashian isn’t just fighting with Reggie Bush…Demi Moore isn’t a fan of her either. Kim is in Miami filming for the sisters reality show and Kim was at One Bal Harbour Resort & Spa to help Kelly Rowland launch her I Heart My Girlfriends charity. Kim tweeted a photo of herself, LA La Vazquez, Serena Williams and Rowland with the caption saying, “Big pimpin w @SerenajWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!” Demi Moore was NOT happy with Kim’s word choice and tweeted to her, offended about the word pimpin. Demi tweeted,“No disrespect I love a girls night out but a pimp and pimping is nothing more than a slave owner, “If we want to end slavery we need to stop glorifying the pimp culture.”Kim took the high road, referencing Jay-Z’s song, Big Pimpin. But Demi wasn’t done. She tweeted, “Clearly I stirred up a storm, but 2 create change U have 2 be willing 2 take a risk and be willing 2 provoke thought & conversation.”

Has a couple on Dancing with the Stars fallen for eachother? Dance partners Erin Andrews and Maksim Chmerkovskiy are “maybe” dating. Maksim revealed to People magazine saying everyone who meets her falls in love with her. He said she doesn’t hold back and what you see is who she is. Sources are saying they are getting pretty close!