The Thing?  Another remake!  Yeah, Charlie’s Cousin Adam lets you know if it’s worth your time.

Charlie’s Cousin Adam reviews the new Cameron Diaz raunchy comedy:

Rated R – 1h42

The only thing that really surprised me about The Hangover II is how exact they stuck to the formula. Do yourself a favor and skip this one.

The Hangover Part II brings back all the characters from the first movie including Stu (Ed Helms,) Phil (Bradley Cooper,) Alan (Zach Galifinanakis,) Doug (Justin Bartha) and Mr. Chow(Ken Jeong). Except this time Phil is getting married and it’s set in Thailand. Unfortunately for these once A-List actors, this movie only serves to knock them down a few notches towards has-beens.

The exact same scenario happens, except this time the missing party is Stu’s brother in law. They hop from one stop to another in the streets of Thailand, recounting their hijinks and slowly putting the clues together to solve their missing persons case.

What’s unfortunate is they stick to the exact same formula as the predecessor and nothing feels new.
There are some funny and perilous situations that the boys find themselves in, but in the theater I was in, they barely received a chuckle.

I think the widespread appeal of The Hangover came from the perception that what we were seeing could have really happened to a group of guys. For girls, I think it was that inside look into what happens during a wild bachelor party. After you see that once it’s not as shocking to stare into its eyes again.

With news that there’s already a Hangover III in the works, I don’t have much hope for it. If there’s anything we learn from Hollywood, it’s that if a formula works, you repeat it until all of the money is drained out. Boo.

Charlie’s Cousin Adam reviews the new Will Ferrell non-comedy: Everything Must Go.

Charlie’s Cousin Adam reviews the new animated Johnny Depp movie  Rango.

Rated R – 1h49

If I were to name three things that bore me; cave exploration, C-List Australian actors and James Cameron might actually make the list. Unfortunately for me, Sacntum has all three.

Based on a true story, Sanctum follows a group of adventerous researchers who are exploring a gigantic cave and have to spelunk for their lives after a rainstorm threatens to flood their only entrance and exit.

This isn’t James Cameron’s follow up to Avatar, because that would be a sad, sad reality for him. He’s got Executive Producer credits on this film, which means little other than that he served as a consultant. Heck, I think my dog has Executive Producer credits on some movies from the early 2000’s.

Sanctum features a cast of mostly unknown actors who deliver cheesy and flat performances. While dealing with the natural disaster they’re facing, they resort to bad dialogue, uninspired drama and awkward Australian phraseology. I would have been happier if somebody said “a dingo stole my baby,” but again, I’m out of luck.

Maybe Indiana Jones could still get away with saying “What could possibly go wrong with diving in caves?” This cast makes the foreshadowing obvious and annoying.

The movie is also shot from a confusing perspective. You never really can grasp whether the cave they are in is 10 feet from the surface or six miles under. Most of the scenes take place in a cramped cave space that doesn’t give you the massive feeling that a cave should give you.

Like Cameron’s last work, the scenery is beautiful in Sanctum. The tropical forests, underground worlds and underwater oceans were a character to themselves. Sadly again, they were the only interesting character. You can dress a movie up and even put it in shiny 3D, but if the story is lacking, there won’t be much to enjoy.

This movie could have been much more with better execution. Being trapped in a cave, miles under the earth’s surface and having to rely on your strengths to get you out is a scary and intriguing premise. I think if Cameron really had his hands on this movie, he would have been able to root out Sanctum’s glaring weaknesses. Putting his name on it only serves to weaken his overextended and no longer welcome pitch for 3D.

Cousin Adam reviews the new action remake of the 1972 Charles Bronson film; The Mechanic.

Cousin Adam reviews the anti-romantic comedy Blue Valentine. Grab your tissues.

Charlie’s Cousin Adam reviews the new bitey horror movie Piranha 3D.  Nom, nom nom.

Rated R – 1h29

If anything, horror movies like Piranha 3D teach us that college spring breakers must be severely punished for their hedonism. How else will they learn the hard lessons of life, except for being torn to shreds in a semi-campy bloody mess?

The B-movie story is really not what you are paying for when you go to see this but here’s the rundown anyway. A tremor at a popular spring break lake destination in the southwest opens up an underwater cavern where prehistoric Piranha have been living. Then the fish get real bitey.

What you do pay for is the scary and goofy idea that plays on your fears of water and some “R-Rated’ college humor (a lot of it). The killer fish don’t disappoint in their method. Of course the para-sailer who keeps dipping down into the water has to turn into a torso. Of course the flotilla of people trying to save themselves has to tip. Of course an outboard boat engine has to be turned into a weapon. This would be a lesser movie without cliché trash like that.

It is odd that the Piranha may actually be the hero’s of this movie. The spring breakers pollute the lake as they party and don’t respect the Sheriff’s authority. Jerry O’Connell portraying a “Girls Gone Wild” style videographer simply needs to be fish bait. The cast of extras who get bitten are extremely guilty of poor acting. We should be thanking those fish.

When you add in brief and mildly entertaining cameos by Richard Dreyfuss, alluding back to his Jaws days and Christopher Lloyd as a Doc Brown-like fish expert, Piranha isn’t a complete waste of time. Elisabeth Shue plays the local sheriff who tries to warn the people. (Side bar to Elisabeth: I don’t care that you take dumb roles like these. I still love you.)

My only wish is that Piranha might have taken the chomping over the top to a place where it might have mocked itself. Then we would have had the holy horror trinity of scary stuff, bloody gore and self-deprecating humor.