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1. Your boss is always yelling “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!”
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”
4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
5. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.
I ‘m not sure what was a bigger draw for the big game yesterday. Was it people wanting their numbers to hit, or was it people wanting to watch the ads?
I think we were wanting some entertainment from the ads, but I’m not sure we got it. Goofy? Some. Boringly stereotypical? A lot. Lame? Too many.
Here’s the categories and ads that I’m ranking.
Best Use Of Megan Fox In A Hot Tub: Motorola
TMI AWARD for Overuse Of Tighty-Whiteys: Career Builder and Dockers
Worst Commercial Use of The Simpsons In All Eternity: Coke
Best Outtakes From An Otherwise Lame Commercial: Hyundai
Commercial Aimed At Women That Also Choked Up Men Too: Google
Commercial Aimed At Men That Also Choked Up Women: None
Best Use Of Autotune While Asking For Guacamole: Bud Light
Award For Generally Lame Commercials Containing Poor Humor And A Lack Of Creativity: The Entire Class of 2010 Commercials that aired during Sunday’s big game.
To quote bluesman Albert Collins “I ain’t drunk, I’m just drinking.”
Not exactly this is something to be proud of, but Men’s Health Magazine just ranked Madison as the 15th drunkest city in the nation.
Sure, Madisonians are known to have a drink, but calling us drunks is not cool. There is a clear distinction between having a drink and enjoying yourself and being a drunk. There is a clear line of sauced-ness distinction, although that line may get blurry at times.
To further prove our point, we asked several random people in downtown Madison (after bar time) for their opinion on the matter. Here’s that they said:
- “Whooo hoooo! Party!”
- “Ohhhh dude…I can see the music.”
- “The smoker you play, the drinker I get”
- ‘Kiss me I’m Irish, or drunk or something like that…”
- “Raaaaaaaalllllphhhhh!”
OK, that didn’t help much. Maybe we should just celebrate by watching the drunk convenience store guy again…
Since I can’t use the name of the big football game on Sunday in this article, under penalty of having my toenails ripped out by mangy wildebeasts, I did want to highlight the fun part of the game…the commercials.
Its pretty subjective, but in my opinion, here’s the Top Sexiest 10 “Big Game” commercials to date.
#10 – 2009
#9 – 2002
#8 – 2009
#7 – 2008
#6 – 2009
#5 – 2008
#4 – 2003
#3 – 2002
#2 – 2006
#1 – 2005
American Idol’ judge Simon Cowell’s new charity song for Haitian earthquake victims featuring artists as varied as Susan Boyle, Jon Bon Jovi and Mariah Carey is out.
At least it was released to British radio staitons yesterday, which is why we got a hold of it.
Its a cover of REM’s classic ballad ‘Everybody Hurts.’ Cowell quickly recorded more than 20 stars in hopes of raising money on behalf of survivors of a devastating earthquake which has claimed the lives of up to 200,000 people in Haiti. Featured on the song are Leona Lewis, Rod Stewart, Mariah Carey, Cheryl Cole, Mika, Michael Buble, Joe McElderry, Miley Cyrus, James Blunt, Gary Barlow, Mark Owen, Jon Bon Jovi, James Morrison, Susan Boyle, Aston Merrygold, Marvin Humes, Shane Filan, Mark Feehily, Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams.
The song can be ordered online at www.hmv.com, www.play.com and www.amazon.co.uk.
OK, this falls into the category of being a giant dumb a**.
A 62- year old Michigan man has been hospitalized with 2nd degree burns after his homemade sledding rocket pack exploded on him.
The guy constructed a backpack from a motorcycle muffler filled with gasoline and gunpowder, and put on a motorcycle helmet before sledding down his back yard hill with the fuse lit. Hmmmmmm…..
For today in particular, that’s every fan of the TV show Lost.
Don’t get me wrong, its a great show, but if I hear somebody tell me its the greatest show on TV one more time, I’m gonna go postal. Sure the fans are dedicated, and borderline psychotic, but these days…who isn’t If you’ve never seen, here’s a quick recap of what’s going on. Enjoy Lostheads.
Here’s another thing annoying me today. Groundhog’s Day was simply a better movie than the day ever was. Sun Prairie’s Jimmy The Groundhog got trumped by the snow conditions today, so we knew his prognostication was going to be for an early Spring. Punxa-lamey Phil predicted the opposite as usual, so clearly there’s no communication amongst the Groundhogians.
Sure the event has some tradition, but really its silly. NBC’s Charlie Shortino and from what I gather…most other forecasters would rather see the groundhogs cooked for dinner, than have to deal with the novelty day anymore.
This day also makes our media representatives do completely stupid things. Take for instance last year’s predictions that took place in the WGN studios in Chicago. I am dumber for have watched this, now you can be too…
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” and “Land of the Lost” are tied for the most Razzie Award nominations, scoring seven chances each to take gold paint-sprayed statuettes hailing the worst films of 2009.
Also noteworthy: two of this year’s Oscar players could also end up as Razzie stars when trophies are doled out one night before the Academy Awards gala. Oscar ceremony co-host Steve Martin is nominated for worst actor in “Pink Panther 2.” No other actor has ever been up for a Razzie the same year he or she emceed the Academy Awards, although Martin’s co-host on March 7, Alec Baldwin, was nominated for a Razzie in 2003 (worst supporting actor, “Cat in the Hat”).
Sandra Bullock is considered an Oscar best actress front-runner for “The Blind Side,” but she’s also nominated for 2009’s worst actress for “All About Steve.” If Bullock claims both trophies, she’ll be the first star ever to pull off the dual win in the same year. Others have done so in nonacting categories. In 1992, Alan Menken won two Oscars for composing the music in “Aladdin” and a Razzie for a tune in “Newsies.” In 1997, Brian Helgeland reaped an Oscar for writing “L.A. Confidential” screenplay and a Razzie for penning “The Postman.”
Two stars have been nominated for an Oscar and a Razzie in the same year for the same role, but they lost: James Coco (”Only When I Laugh”) and Amy Irving (”Yentl”). Halle Berry famously bagged a Razzie soon after her Oscar, but three years separated her wins for “Catwoman” (2004) and “Monster’s Ball” (2001).
John Wilson, Razzie president and founder, tells Gold Derby that “Transformers 2″ creator Michael Bay is overdue for Razzie glory after a past worst-picture loss for “Armageddon” (1998) and two defeats for worst director: “Armageddon” and “Pearl Harbor” (2001). “Bay is totally talent-free and untouched by the muse,” Wilson says with a sigh.
Wilson says that 2009 was such a banner year for bad movies that the Razzies considered expanding their worst-picture list to 10 nominees like the Oscars’ best-picture list, “but then I realized that our membership is only one-tenth of the academy, and it would have no meaning. It would be just like the Golden Globes where a movie can win with only 17 votes.”
If the Razzies had expanded its top category, “Twilight: New Moon” would’ve been nominated for worst picture since it came in sixth place in the voting, so alas, it got snubbed.
” ‘Twilight: New Moon’ just wasn’t bad enough,” Wilson adds, noting that its star Taylor Lautner also barely missed out receiving a nomination for worst supporting actor. Nonetheless, he was cited along with “Twilight” costars in the category for worst screen couple as “Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Whatz-His-Fang.” Pattinson is nominated for worst supporting actor, and “New Moon” is listed in the race for worst screenplay.
Wilson is surprised at a few omissions from the performance lists. “Gerard Butler had a banner bad year with ‘Gamer,’ ‘The Ugly Truth’ and ‘Law Abiding Citizen,’ and Nicolas Cage was terrible in ‘Knowing,’” he says. “In any other year they would’ve been nominated.”
It’s the Razzies’ 30th anniversary year, so it’s time to bestow prizes for worst filmmaking of the decade. They’ll be doled out with 2009’s trophies at Hollywood’s Barnsdall Gallery Theatre at 7:30 p.m. March 6.
WORST PICTURE OF 2009
“All About Steve”
“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
“Land of the Lost”
“Old Dogs”"
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (a.k.a. “Trannies, Too”)
WORST ACTOR OF 2009
All Three Jonas Brothers, “Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience”
Will Ferrell, “Land of the Lost”
Steve Martin, “Pink Panther 2″
Eddie Murphy, “Imagine That”
John Travolta, “Old Dogs”
WORST ACTRESS Of 2009
Beyonce, “Obsessed”
Sandra Bullock, “All About Steve”
Myley Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Megan Fox, “Jennifer’s Body” and “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Sarah Jessica Parker, “Did You Hear About the Morgans?”
WORST SCREEN COUPLE OF 2009
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers, “The Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience”
Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper, “All About Steve”
Will Ferrell and any co-star, Creature or “Comic Riff,” “Land of the Lost”
Shia Lebouf & Either Megan Fox or Any Transformer, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
Kristin Stewart and either Robert Pattinson or Taylor Whatz-His-Fang, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS OF 2009
Candice Bergen, “Bride Wars”
Ali Larter, “Obsessed”
Sienna Miller, “G.I. Joe”
Kelly Preston,”Old Dogs”
Julie White (as Mom), “Trannies, Too”
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR OF 2009
Billy Ray Cyrus, “Hannah Montana: The Movie”
Hugh Hefner (as himself), “Miss March”
Robert Pattinson, “Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka), “Land of the Lost”
Marlon Wayans, “G.I. Joe”
WORST REMAKE, RIP-OFF OR SEQUEL (COMBINED CATEGORY FOR 2009)
“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
“Land of the Lost”
“Pink Panther 2″ (A Rip-Off of a Sequel to a Remake)
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
“Twilight Saga: New Moon”
WORST DIRECTOR OF 2009
Michael Bay, “Trannies, Too”
Walt Becker, “Old Dogs”
Brad Silberling, “Land of the Lost”
Stephen Sommers, “G.I. Joe”
Phil Traill, “All About Steve”
WORST SCREENPLAY OF 2009
“All About Steve,” screenplay by Kim Barker
“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra,” screenplay by Stuart Beattie and David Elliot & Paul Lovett, based on Hasbro’s G.I. Joe Characters.
“Land of the Lost,” written by Chris Henchy & Dennis McNicholas, based on Sid & Marty Krofft’s TV series
“Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen,” written By Ehren Kruger & Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, based on Hasbro’s Transformers Action Figures
“Twilight Saga: New Moon,” screenplay by Melissa Rosenberg, based on the novel by Stephenie Meyer
WORST PICTURE OF THE DECADE (3 SPECIAL 30TH RAZZIE-VERSARY AWARDZ)
“Battlefield Earth” (2000) — Nominated for 10 Razzies, “winner” of 8 (including Worst Drama of Our First 25 Years)
“Freddy Got Fingered” (2001) — Nominated for nine Razzies, “winner” of five
“Gigli” (2003) — Nominated for 10 Razzies, winner of seven (including Worst Comedy of Our First 25 Years)
“I Know Who Killed Me” (2007) — Nominated for nine Razzies, “winner” of eight
“Swept Away” (2002) — Nominated for nine Razzies, “winner” of five
WORST ACTOR OF THE DECADE
Ben Affleck — (Nominated for nine “achievements,”winner” of two Razzies) “Daredevil,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Paycheck,” “Pearl Harbor,” “Surviving Christmas”
Eddie Murphy — (Nominated for 12 “achievements,” “winner” of three Razzies) “Adventures of Pluto Nash,” “I Spy,” “Imagine That,” “Meet Dave,” “Norbit,” “Showtime”
Mike Myers — (Nominated for four “achievements,” “winner” of two Razzies), “Cat in the Hat,” “The Love Guru”
Rob Schneider — (Nominated for six “achievements,” “winner” of one Razzie) “The Animal,” “Benchwarmers,” “Deuce Bigalo: European Gigolo,” “Grandma’s Boy,” “The Hot Chick,” “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry,” “Little Man,” “Little Nicky”
John Travolta — (Nominated for six “achievements,” “winner” of the Razzies) “Battlefield Earth,” “Domestic Disturbance,” “Lucky Numbers,” “Old Dogs,” “Swordfish”
WORST ACTRESS OF THE DECADE
Mariah Carey – (The Single Biggest Individual Vote Getter of the Decade: 70+% Of ALL Votes For Worst Actress Of 2001), “Glitter”
Paris Hilton (Nominated for five “Achievements,” “Winner” of four Razzies) “The Hottie & The Nottie,” “House of Whacks,” “Repo: The Genetic Opera”
Lindsay Lohan — (Nominated for five “achievements,” “winner” of three Razzies) “Herbie Fully Loaded,” “I Know Who Killed Me,” “Just My Luck”
Jennifer Lopez — (Nominated for nine “achievements,” “winner” of two Razzies) “Angel Eyes,” “Enough,” “Gigli,” “Jersey Girl,” “Maid in Manhattan,” “Monster-in-Law,” “The Wedding Planner”
Madonna — (Nominated for six “achievements,” “winner” of four Razzies) “Die Another Day,” “The Next Best Thing,” “Swept Away”
It was an interesting evening at the Grammy Awards last night, but if you’re like me, you noticed a couple things that seemed a little weird.
Most of the performances were decent, the presenters read off scripts and Eminem got bleeped left and right.
There were some awkward moments though. Here’s my Top Five Oddest Moments at the awards last night.
5. Lady GaGa. Did her face keep getting dirtier and dirtier while she was singing with Elton John? It seemed like every time the camera was off her, she kept dipping her face in soot.
4. Steven Colbert. He’s a funny guy, but either the audience didn’t get his jokes or they were too dumb to understand. Poor Steven. He deserves more laughs than he got.
3. Green Day. Good for them. One of their albums are getting turned into a Broadway play. Just don’t invite the Broadway actors to sing your songs, when you can sing them 100 times better.
2. Beyonce’. She’s pure, can sing and oozes talent. Just don’t grab your crotch anymore.
1. Pink. Actually there was nothing weird about her performance, I just love watching it over and over.
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