5. Goes Down Cold, Comes Up Smooth!
4. A decent excuse for your normal clumsy self
3. Beer: That nasty taste means it’s workin’!
2. Easier to Spell than Whiskey
1. Beer: It’s how you got here.

Ever heard of SXSW?

It’s another one of the giant music festivals that happens across the country each year.  (Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo, 10,000 Lakes, Burning Man…you get the idea.)  SXSW or South By Southwest begins today in Austin, Texas.

Its grown from just music to incorporate film and other interactive elements.  Those interactive elements are often heavily attended by tech-savvy people…or nerds.  The music also often reflects nerd music culture too; nerd rock, geek rock, nerd cord.

I honor of SXSW here’s my list of the top ten Nerd Rock songs.

10.  Elvis Costello – He writes the book, angels wanna wear his red shoes and he watches the detectives.  Sounds nerdy to me.

9. Talking Heads – Also known as intellectual rockers, but “Burning Down The House” was used in the movie “Revenge Of the Nerds.”

8. The Proclaimers – Not a bad tune, but can you get thicker eyeglass frames?

7.  Thomas Dolby – Hopefully science will fix his blindness problems.

6. They Mights Be Giants – Birdhouse in Your Soul & Particle Man.  Way to throw the physics at us.

5.  Barenaked Ladies – What? Nerdy Canadians.  Oh wait, that’s no surprise.

4. Weird Al Yankovich – Funny, nerdy and topical.  I’m sure the ladies are knocking down his door.

3. Devo – Possibly the first known sightings of nerds actually making it.  Oooh, yeah.  Whip it good.

2. Buddy Holly – You are the godfather of nerd rock.

1.  Weezer -  You win the nerd award of the century guys.  They are modern nerd rock gods.

Never one to shy away from saying, well, anything, Gene Simmons has called out U2 and the Rolling Stones. Speaking on XFM Radio in the UK, the Tongued One said that he and Kiss would crush Mick Jagger and Bono in a stadium duel.

“I would love to play on the same stage as U2, the Stones and anybody out there who considers themself a world champion,” challenged Simmons. “You come on up on that stage with us, baby. Show me what you got, and then we’ll show you what the big boys do.”

While the likelihood of such an event seems doubtful, Kiss has arguably out-dueled the competition when it comes to licensing, recently lending its name and likeness to M&M’s and Dr. Pepper. Now the men behind the make-up — Simmons and his Kiss co-founder Paul Stanley — are readying their own children’s show.

Little else is known about the Kiss-sanctioned kids program, which the band announced Tuesday was in development with Canadian production company E1 Television. Simmons and Stanley will serve as executive producers of the yet-to-be-titled half-hour series, which they hope will expose the group to a new generation of consumers, er, fans.

This may be the most shocking video I’ve seen in some time.  By the way, NSFW and possibly some younger Justin Bieber fans.

Lets see, cute bunnies, insane Bridezillas, dogs on trampolines and reporters freaking out. You got a better way to waste five minutes today?

Make sure you stay for the face wash…

Oh yeah. That’s letting the crazy out. Get ‘em with the mannequin.

This is just cruel. A break up phone service. NSFW!

Maybe the coolest animated video ever using real footage.

News at 0:00, reporter losing it at 1:00. Wait for it….

Dogs On Trampolines. Oh Yeah.

1. You’ve got Windows on your laptop.
2. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
3. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
4. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
5. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.

I don’t mean to be insensitive to Farrah Fawcett, her family or any teen boy whose ever got “romantic” with her pin up, but is all this protest really necessary?

Some seem to be up in arms that Farrah was not included in the “In Memoriam” section of the Oscars on Sunday.

So the question is: did they leave her out on purpose? The answer appears to be yes. A rep for the Academy Awards has said they can’t include everyone.

I won’t try to debate whether she should, or should not have been included.  She was an actress, so I think she would qualify.

Also, what about Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, Alania Reed Hall (Susan from Sesame Street), Ed McMahon, Don Hewitt (60 Minutes producer), Henry Gibson and Ricardo “Fantasy Island” Montalban!

They didn’t make the cut either.  I think this is a situation where you can’t please everybody, because it’s such a subjective topic.

I say if you want to remember Farrah, go rent Logan’s Run, The Cannonball Run or the original Charlie’s Angel’s DVD’s.  I’m sure she’d want to be recalled for her life, rather than her death.

According to this map, we are gods when it comes to beer bellies.

This map references the number of bars compared to the number of grocery stores in any given area.  Yeah!

LETS GO CENSUS!

Pretty sweet.  ABC found out the inspiration behind the man who made us look in your eyes, before being crushed by his Sledgehammer while shocking the monkey.

Raise that boombox up over your head in 3…2…1…

I still am in WTF mode after hearing about the kid at JFK airport in New York who got to be the air traffic controller for the day.

Was anyone in danger? Probably not.  Was it the dumbest idea ever?  I’d say yes.

Here’s how it went down:

The kid was probably just repeating what his father told him, and the pilots probably thought it was funny.  Still, come on.

Even with a parents supervision, you wouldn’t want kids answering 911 calls.  You wouldn’t want them operating blow torches.  You don’t want them fixing the brakes on your car.

Congratulations to you Mr. Take Your Child To Work and let them direct dozens of aircraft like Matchbox cars.  You with the Bonehead Of The Day Award.