Rated PG-13 – 2h27

Ummm, when did the Autobots turn into revenge killers who carry out mafia/gangland style killings? I think I missed that part of the cartoon TV series from the 80’s. I will say that Transformers: Dark Of The Moon is the better of the three Transformers movies that Director Michael Bay has delivered, but that’s not saying much.

In this two and one-half hours of special effects overkill, we are told the real reason for the space race of the 1960’s was because an alien ship had crashed on the moon. Flash forward to the present, where the “good” Autobots discover the well kept secret and have to race “evil” Decepticons to discover its secret.

I use good and evil in parenthesis, because it seems the sides these two robot races once took are much blurrier now. Sure, Decepticons want to enslave the human race, but it’s all in the name of going back home. Their goal is not to fight the good guys, just go back home. The Autobots this time are motivated not only to protect the Earth, but they also carry out intensely violent revenge-style killings of their foes.

So, is that a good thing? It surely adds a darker element to this type of bubble gum entertainment. Once you get through the first 45 minutes of plot build up, the action is quite intense and it doesn’t stop. I hope your ears can take it, mine barely did. I suppose that is the point of a movie that has an otherwise incoherent plot and dialogue that seems was written by a 10 year old.

Also, I’m not really a fan of shoot ‘em up video games, but the appeal of this movie is clearly directed at lovers of first person shooter games. In one battle scene, the audience is given the same perspective of the first person shooter video game. It was a little disturbing for my tastes.

I did find two moments extremely entertaining. I liked the pairing of John Turturro and Frances McDormand. Both are frequently in many beloved Coen Brothers movies. Sadly, even they are unnecessary, just like the rest of the humans in the Transformers movies.

I also loved the settings. Part of the movie is shot at Milwaukee’s Art Museum. Unfortunately the building stays intact. Another scene is downtown Chicago. The same can’t be said for the Windy City, which virtually suffers some severe damage. It’s always more fun seeing landmarks you’re familiar with getting blown up.

In all, I can’t recommend this film for the simple reason that it’s two and one-half hours long. I don’t care what movie it is. No one who just drank a 64oz soda should have to wait that long for a restroom break.

Rhythm & Booms is on Saturday!

Are you prepared? Here’s the schedule of events.

Here’s the last of the Not Necessarily True Rhythm and Booms facts.  Remember.  Don’t try to fact check them.  They are undeniably solid and superbly fabricated.

- The most asked question asked at Rhythm & Booms: “Where is the nearest free beer?”

- Because of their unknown nature.  Brats made of bologna will not be made available at Warner Park.

- The two-gallon cup of beer is banned for this year’s  Rhythm & Booms.

- Even if the National Guard Soldiers around you look tough, they are smiling on the inside.

The guy just does not dig it when politicians use his music.  Especially if they’re Republicans.

It’s been reported that Tom Petty doesn’t want Michele Bachmann using his 1977 song, “American Girl,” in her campaign events. The song was played when the Republican presidential candidate left the stage in Waterloo, Iowa on Monday after making a nationally televised speech.

Petty’s manager will be asking the candidate’s team not to use his song again.

It’s not the first time he’s had to send a cease and desist letter.  During the 2004 presidential campaign, Petty sent a letter to President George W. Bush’s re-election campaign after it played “I Won’t Back Down” at political events.

Here’s who we think will be rocking it each day of Summerfest.

Wednesday, June 29th

Peter Gabriel, Main Stage or Meatloaf, Briggs & Stratton Stage.  Not Meatloaf again!

Thursday, June 30th

George Clinton, Briggs & Stratton Stage.  We want the funk, please, if it’s not too much trouble.

Friday, July 1st
Los Lonely Boys followed by Los Lobos, Harley Roadhouse stage. A double-dose of Los.  Aye caramba!

Saturday, July 2nd
Jason Mraz with Guster, Marcus Amphitheater. Mellow rock night.

Sunday, July 3rd
Tough decision! Kid Rock w/ Sheryl Crow or Ben Harper or Blue Oyster Cult. Don’t fear the reaper, go for Ben Harper.

Monday, July 4th – Closed

Tuesday, July 5th
Def Leppard, Marcus Amphitheater.  When Def Lep starts playing new songs, ditch out and go see Paul Rogers or Cinderella.

Wednesday, July 6th
Peter Frampton, Classic Rock Stage or walk the dinosaur with Morris Day & The Time.

Thursday, July 7th
Katy Perry, Marcus Amphitheater  – Be sure to stop at the ProActive booth

Friday, July 8th
Leon Russell, Classic Rock Stage – If anything we should all see Leon perform once in our life for the novelty of it.

Saturday, July 9th
Another tough pick.  The BoDeans, Briggs & Stratton Stage for good rock. De La Soul, Potawatomi Stage for some cool hip hop.  The Flaming Lips, Harley Roadhouse if you’ve had too much…of you know what.

Sunday, July 10th

Todd Rundgren, Powatomi Stage.  I only picked him because That 70’s Show was supposed to be set in a fictional town called Point Place, WI.  In one episode, the main characters went to go see Todd Rundgren play live.  The Summerfest show may closely mimic that TV episode.  Cool.

Not that it really surprises me or anything, but even Charlie Sheen says he was jacked up on steroids at one point.

It turns out, even guys who played baseball players in the movies were juicing in the late 80s and 90s. Charlie Sheen has confessed to using while filming Major League.

Sheen said, “let’s just say that I was enhancing my performance a little bit. It was the only time I ever did steroids. I did them for like six or eight weeks. My fastball went from 79 to like 85 MPH.”

Sheen goes on to tell that he quit the drug when he lost control of his temper and nearly beat up several strangers who mocked the haircut he wore for the 1989 movie.

Come on! That freaky lightning bolt mohawk was totally in style…for about 5 seconds.

Music and fireworks. Never before have two great tastes, tasted so great together.

Maybe there was that peanut butter/chocolate thing, but they never blew up like and M-80.

Here’s some more Not Necessarily True Rhythm & Booms facts.

Get your Rhythm & Booms Info here.

- The most popular parking space for Rhythm & Booms was claimed four weeks ago.

- Madison Police are happy to assist people in need, or arrest people who are wearing colors that are too loud.

- 7 % of people come to Rhythm & Booms thinking they will be attending an event called Rhythm & Brooms.

- Each year there are approximately 7,486,000,000 mosquito bites at Rhythm & Booms.  Only 1/2% of people will enjoy them

KaBOOM!  Just four days until the Midwest’s largest fireworks display. We hope to see you there.

Here’s some fun facts about the event.  As for whether or not they’re true. I’ll plead the 5th.

- The raindate for Rhythm & Booms is Sunday, July 3rd.  When scientists tried to predict the rain date for the rain date, their computers caught fire.

- 46 percent of people need directions on how to get to Rhythm & Booms, but no men will ask for them.

- The 12 ounce plastic cup was not originally intended for beer.  It was first designed to hold cheese.

- The first Rhythm & Booms was performed in 1906 and only included two bottle rockets and a sparkler.  It was watched by five people.

More fun facts to come this week.

Leave it up to a super spy to get married without anybody knowing about it.

Last week in a secret ceremony, current James Bond Daniel Craig tied the knot with actress Rachael Weisz. (Nice choice if I do say so myself.)

While I think that Daniel Craig is a decent James Bond, I don’t think he is the greatest James Bond. I know this may be controversial, especially to my movie-loving friends, but here is my list of the greatest portrayals of James Bond.

Side Trivia Note: Since Daniel Craig got married, you can impress your friends with this James Bond fact. The only James Bond movie where Bond takes a wife is ‘On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.” BUT….you can also amaze your friends by telling them that when going undercover, James Bond also got faux-married in “You Only Live Twice.”

Best movie James Bond actors:

#6 – George Lazenby – Mr. One and Done. While On Her Majesty’s Secret Service had some cool skiing action sequences, you never really got the feel for Bond.

#5 – Daniel Craig - I really didn’t like the choice of Craig over Clive Owen, but Craig is growing on me.

#4 – Sean Connery – I know. Purists will rake me over the coals for this low ranking. The fact is Connery as James Bond was not so much a ladies man as he was a sexist. I’m still a bit shocked watching Goldfinger and Dr. No these days.

#3 – Timothy Dalton – He’s an underrated James Bond, but I thought The Living Daylights and License To Kill were thrilling.

#2 – Roger Moore – Oh yeah. The first James Bond I was introduced to. He was smooth and satirical. He also fought Jaws (Richard Kiel,) who I got to interview once.

#1 – Pierce Brosnan – He fit a tux better than the rest. Brosnan was charming, calm, cool and collective on top of being silky and smooth. Do I have a man crush on him? Maybe.

Charlie’s Cousin Adam reviews the new Cameron Diaz raunchy comedy:

Rated R – 1h32

There are a few truths that I hold to be self-evident. Peanut M&Ms will always be better than Plain M&Ms. Traffic will always jam up on the beltline between 7-8am and 3:30-5:30pm. Cameron Diaz talking like a truck driver is always better than Diaz in a romantic comedy. For some reason, Diaz playing a foul mouthed, cynic also seems a more natural fit for her.

Bad Teacher doesn’t come close to mimicking the uncouth comic genius that was 2003’s Bad Santa, but it tries. Elizabeth Halsey (Diaz) is a discourteous, gold-digging, foul-mouthed junior high school teacher. Dumped by her fiancé’ she is forced to retain her teaching job, which she puts a little effort into as possible.
That is, until she figures out how to monetize off her students academic success.

While there are moments that had the potential for fantastic raunchy comedy, they are matched with just as many weak plot points.

There are a couple subplots of Miss Halsey inappropriately trying to raise money for breast implants, a romantic storyline involving one of the students and Diaz wooing a fellow teacher, but none of it goes anywhere. A rivalry between Elizabeth and a goodie-two-shoes teacher is what feeds most of the story and I think that’s where the focus should have been.

It was impossible for me to separate the attempt to mirror Bad Santa. In that story, Billy Bob Thornton is a disgusting human being because it feeds his criminal behavior. Here, Diaz is just a slacker who wants the easy road to riches. I guess if she worked harder at being terrible, that would be a good thing.

While it’s hard not to focus on Diaz, the supporting male roles did entertain me. I’ve been a fan of Jason Segel for a while. He plays the Gym Teacher at the school who is just as attracted to Elizabeth’s bad characteristics as her good ones. The regular guy who is 20% sleaze-ball, is the character I like to see him play. Justin Timberlake plays a light-headed substitute teacher like he’s playing in a sketch on Saturday Night Live. He’s well aware that he’s being goofy.

Loving the anti-hero is no crime. They’re sometimes more attractive. Diaz is certainly attractive. As Jimmy Buffett says “I’ve read dozens of books about heroes and crooks and learned much from both of their styles. “

Bad Teacher needed more to it. Maybe more tequila.