Cousin Adam reviews the re-imagining of Freddy Krueger.

Rated R – 1h35 -

Sure, you expect your teenage slasher films to be light on the narrative, character development & dialogue, so why did I expect more out of the re-imagining of A Nightmare On Elm Street?

The 2010 remake takes most of the elements of the 1984 original, adds some darker imagery, and turns it into the Hollywood version of a modern scary movie for teens. For some reason, I kept thinking of the Final Destination films while watching this one.

The central character is Nancy, one of a group of high school aged kids who begin having nightmares of a man. The man in question, Freddy Krueger (Jackie Earle Hailey), carries a glove that only comes in one size; extra-stabby. The nightmares seem to start as each of the characters begins to remember an event from their childhood that they blocked out.

One by one, Freddy gets busy with his bedtime butchery and it was pretty much par for the course. No big surprises here.

Realistically, would suburban parents of kindergarten kids in 1997 opt for a gang vigilante-style justice on a man who may, or may not have done something suspect to their kids?  No. That’s the type of thing that gets settled in the courts and on Jerry Springer.

That’s not the real problem I had with this remake. What was wrong is that Freddy Krueger seemed small in stature and fright-induction. You almost feel like he’s a severe burn victim, which makes you feel sympathetic, until you find you find out what he’s done.

The slashings were fun, but they didn’t come often enough in the dream sequences, like they should have. It was also obvious when we were supposed to be scared. Again, nothing really surprised me. One remaining question: Did he really need to kill the dog?

5. A frame holding the first $1 billion he made.
4. $863,979.42 in loose change.
3. Crumpled copy of Al Gore’s patent on the Internet.
2. God’s cell phone number.
1. Severed limbs of the Microsoft product developer who wrote the original specifications for Windows Vista.

Conan O’Brien’s first interview since his show was taken from him is airing this Sunday on 60 minutes and he was careful with his words about Jay Leno. Conan says that if he had surrendered the show, handed it over to someone publicly and even wished them well, he would have made a different decision. He says he never would have taken a show back from someone else. When the reporter asked him if Jay acted less than honorable, Conan said he couldn’t answer that. As for why he left NBC he says, “I think this relationship is going be toxic and maybe we just need to go our separate ways. That’s really how it felt to me…and I started to feel that I’m not sure these people even really want me here….I can’t do it anymore.”

Hopefully this is just a rumor because it’s disturbing! Sources close to the late Brittany Murphy are claiming that not only is Simon Monjack still living with her mother, Sharon, but their relationship is turning romantic. As if that’s not bad enough, the pair are supposedly shopping around a tell-all book about Brittany’s life because they need the money. Fortunately no publishers want to get involved with that. A source says, ”Sadly, unless that book reveals some pretty salacious stuff — which I doubt they have, except for eating-disorder and prescription-drug stuff — it’s not enough to sell many books.”

Samantha Ronson has had it with Lindsay Lohan. The two were both at Timbaland’s birthday party at Drai’s in Hollywood when they broke into a Twitter fight.

Sam says, “One more thing- if you’re gonna be an idiot an do coke- do it outside the bathroom- some of us actually use them to pee in.”

Lindsay responded, “I’m pretty sure that @samantharonson just threw a fit @33years old and my friend tal @draishollywood illegally open NOW at this hour, Asked me, after being here jus for Timbalands birthday-to leave even though she stayed over just 2nights ago-tired of @samantharonson.”

5. Jennifer Lopez’s first ex-husband, Ojani Noa, is doing whatever he can to avoid going bankrupt, so he’s shopping a reality show called “I Owe J Lo.” The idea is that cameras will follow Ojani around as he tries to land jobs here and there to pay off the over half a million dollars he owes Jennifer. A judge ordered him to pay her Jennifer $545K in legal fees after he threatened to publish a book about their relationship.

4. I just love MediaTakeOut.com because they swear they have confirmation “VERY RELIABLE SOURCES” for every rumor they post. this time, they’re coverig their bases a little by saying they have “ALL BUT CONFIRMED” that Alicia Keys is pregnant and the baby daddy is her boyfriend, rapper/producer Swizz Beatz. The two have been dating since 2008 when Swizz and his wife — a singer named Mashonda — announced ther were splitting up.

3. New rumors are circulating that Nicole Scherzinger and her dance partner Derek Hough are dating. A source on the set of “Dancing With the Stars” says Derek will grab her hand as soon as they walk offstage and they’re constantly whispering to each other during commercial breaks while he rubs her back. Earlier in the season, Nicole addressed the first round of rumors, tweeting, “Derek is like a little brother 2 me. Everone knows how in luv & committed I am 2 Lewis!” Lewis would be her racecar driver boyfriend, Lewis Hamilton. But Nicole hasn’t addressed the latest round of rumors….

2. Jamie Foxx has been working on his fourth CD, but his record label bosses at J Records/RCA weren’t happy with the early material he’s turned in, so they’ve called Justin Timberlake to come back in and help co-write and perform on more songs with Jamie. Justin had already collaborated on at least 3 tracks, including the first release called “Winner.” Producers reworked that single and included a guest verse from T.I. after he was released from prison. Jamie’s CD was supposed to be released this month, but then got pushed back to June and then got delayed again to July 20.
1. RadarOnlinec.com got the scoop first — Halle Berry and Gabriel Autry have broken up. It actually happened a few months ago, but lawyers had to work out a financial and custody deal before it was announced. Halle and Gabriel had been together for five years, and a source says Halle thought she’d found her soulmate. The two of them never married, but they did have a child together. Nahla just turned 2 in March. But a source says Gabriel’s the one who ended the relationship because their age difference finally got to him. Halle’s 43; he’s 34. Plus, he was starting to become attracted to other women. The source says Gabriel’s a good guy and rather than cheat on Halle, he decided to be honest with her and end things. At first, Halle was freaking out that he was going to go after her money, but Gabriel’s not that kind of guy. His main concern was custody of his daughter. He wanted 50/50 joint physical custody — and Halle agreed to that. And all he asked for was the house they own together in Canada. Halle made the down payment, but Gabriel made every single mortgage payment. She agreed to let him have it. And that’s it. A nice, clean breakup and now Halle is single again.

It’s not Raymond, but rather everybody loves Betty White these days.  She makes her SNL appearance next weekend.

Oh boy, here’s the promo:

5. Paris Hilton bumped into her ex Doug Reinhardt at a Hollywood club and then proceeded to ignore him for the rest of the night. Paris showed up with a possee including Brandon Davis — most famous for calling Lindsay Lohan a “fire crotch” — and was apparently shocked to find Doug there. Sources say it then became a contest to see who was having the better time. Doug was flaunting some blonde girl he was with on one side of the dance floor and Paris was across the room pretending not to notice.

4.  Sources behind the scenes at “Dancing With the Stars” say Jake and Vienna were inconsolable after he was kicked off Tuesday night. Before the show even started, Jake was heading in with the lowest scores from the night before. So he and Vienna huddled together, held hands and prayed for survival. Their prayers were not answered. When it was announced that Jake was going home, he mouthed to Vienna, “It’s okay…” And after he made his goodbye speech and the cameras stopped rolling, he made his way over to his beautiful fiancee and they sobbed and hugged on each other. The head producer even went over to try to comfort the two of them. If you, like me, detected a weird tension on his dance partner Chelsie’s part when he was telling her he loved her and blah blah blah blah, sources say the second the cameras stopped rolling, Chelsie immediately walked away from Jake and went straight to her boyfriend Mark Ballas for a little loving and hugging of her own. A source says Jake often made Chelsie cry during rehearsals and she’s actually relieved to be done with him.

3. Justin Bieber is not happy with his fans — at least not the most rabid ones that knocked down and trampled his mother! About 500 fans were waiting to see Justin when he arrived in New Zealand Tuesday and things got out of control. Justin tweeted about it later, saying, “Not happy that someone stole my hat and knocked down my mama. Come on people…” He told his fans that he wants to sign autographs and take pictures and meet the fans, but if they keep pushing and making it a dangerous situation, security won’t allow him to do any of that. Fortunately, his mom Pattie wasn’t injured in the trampling and Justin even got his hat back.

2. About 10 years ago, Chelsea Handler made a sex tape, but she claims the whole thing was a joke. RadarOnline.com claims they’ve seen it and during the first part of the tape, it shows Chelsea doing part of her standup routine. Then the camera cuts to Chelsea turning on the camera in what appears to be her apartment and then getting it on with some British dude. At the end of their fun time, the man asks Chelsea if they got the shot, Chelsea looks right in the camera and smiles, and the tape immediately cuts back to her continuing her stand-up routine in her apartment. RadarOnline confired the tape was sent out to agents as a demo when Chelsea was trying to book standup gigs. Chelsea claims the tape may be graphic, but it wasn’t real. And she was really ticked that somebody even tried to blackmail her, saying they wanted a million dollars for the tape.
1. Jenna Jameson says she can prove Tito Ortiz was lying when he accused her of being high on OxyContin during their fight Monday that left her with torn ligaments in her shoulder. On the day of the incident, Tito’s attorney said, “Jenna has been fighting a battle with OxyContin addiction for the past year. For Tito and her family this has been an uphill battle. Unfortunately this morning she had a relapse. Tito was trying to help her. She has threatened suicide before. Tito has done everything in his power to protect her privacy and the privacy of their children.” But Jenna denied she was taking any drugs. So the very next day, she took a drug test that tested her for 10 major drugs, including Oxycodone, cocaine, marijuana and meth. She tested clean. And TMZ says she’s telling the truth. So now I don’t know who to believe!!

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…right?

That, or Hollywood just loves taking an old idea, repackaging it for the next generation and making some money off it.

Tomorrow, the new A Nightmare On Elm Street opens in theaters, and although Johnny Depp wasn’t included in this one, it may have some legs (or sharp fingers as the case may be.)

The big secret they’ve been hiding in what Freddy Krueger is going to look like.

This is Rogert Englund from the 1984 version (right).  Pretty freaky.

The new Freddy is Jackie Earle Haley.  He’s a pretty talented actor who has appeared in The Watchmen, Shutter Island and oddly enough, one episode of MacGyver. Why is he appearing in a teenager slasher flick?  Probably the money.  That’s OK though, because moves like that often give actors/actresses the freedom to star in the movies they want to.

Here’s the only images we’ve been given of the new Freddy:

Looks kind of like a burn victim, but that’s what Freddy is supposed to look like.

I’ll let you judge for yourself if it will be worthy of your entertainment dollar.

Here’s the old and the new movie posters for some fun too.

No worries Simon & Garfunkel fans. Paul & Art say they’re putting a short delay on the tour that’s coming through Madison, but that the show will still go on.  It’s been rescheduled for Wednesday, July 14th.

For those of you playing Charlie’s Season Pass, the S&G tickets we’re giving away are good for the rescheduled show.

From Simon & Garfunkel.com

The Simon & Garfunkel tour originally scheduled for April – May is being postponed due to a vocal strain recently sustained by Art Garfunkel. In an effort to provide the highest quality performance for their audience, Paul & Art decided it would be best to move the scheduled concert dates. The dates have been rescheduled to allow for an adequate period of rest and rehabilitation, after which Art is expected to make a complete recovery.

Both Paul and Art regret any inconvenience this has caused their fans and are looking forward to seeing them at the rescheduled shows.

At times, links to ticket agencies will be posted here before the concerts are listed on the ticketing sites. Be assured that this page lists confirmed dates and that those ticket sites will be updated in advance of the time tickets go on sale.

This schedule subject to change.

5. The “American Idol” tour featuring the top 10 contestants from this season will kick off July 1 in Auburn Hills, MI, and then hit 47 more cities — including Dallas on August 9 — before it wraps up September 14 in Pittsburgh. Tickets for the entire tour go on sale May 15.

4. Also announcing their summer tour, the Jonas Brothers! Their opening act is Joe’s girlfriend, Demi Lovato, and also some other kids from their made-for-TV movie “Camp Rock.” Hope Demi and Joe stay together for at least the length of the tour because that could be VERY awkward. Things kick off July 27 in Dallas and then the boys and Demi will wind their way thru the US and Canada, and after that, they’re off to Latin American and Europe. Tickets go on sale May 15. You can check www.teamjonas.com for updates on the tour.

3.  Jim Carrey might be losing his mind, but it’s not like nobody saw it coming. Jim’s reportedly battled depression for decades and back in ‘07, “Radar” magazine did a cover story about Jim’s odd behavior on the set of his movie “Number 23.” Let’s just say it wasn’t good. Earlier this month, Jim ended his long-term relationship with Jenny McCarthy and perhaps it’s affected his mental state. For the past several days, Jim’s been tweeting the word “boing” up to 40 times to day, using it to mean different things, but nobody knows what. He responded to fans’ questions by tweeting, “I RRRefuse 2 define BOING!” and “you know you want to! you can try to stop it sooner or later your BOUND TO #BOING%^P.” What’s up with that?

2. Doctors have upgraded Bret Michaels to “critical but stable” condition, but his rep says he’s also suffered a setback. Apparently Bret’s developed a side effect from his brain hemorrhage that causes a lack of sodium in his body, which can lead to seizures. Doctors call it a minor setback, though, and are still hopeful that Bret will have a full recovery. However, that could take several weeks or even months to happen. For now, Bret remains in ICU, under 24-hour observation.

1. Sandra Bullock has finally broken her silence and “People” got the exclusive. Not only has she filed divorce papers against Jesse James, she has adopted a baby boy!! Sandra and Jesse began the adoption process four years ago. Then in January, they finally brought home a little baby boy who’d been born in New Orleans. Sandra and Jesse decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars, but then just 10 days after Sandra won her Oscar, news about Jesse’s affair with a white supremacist tattoo model broke and it’s been a nightmare for her ever since. But now, Sandra is showing off 3½-month-old Louis Bardo Bullock on the cover of “People” magazine. She says she is now adopting him as a single parent.