Zap! POW! Zoink! Times are tough everywhere. Even Batman has to hold a garage sale.

That reminds me. Anyone need a good microphone? Will trade for beer money.

Of all the problems out there, swine flu doesn’t sound too great.  We figure, there’s some things worse than it:

1. Spending part of your youth at the former Michael Jackson Neverland Ranch.
2. A baby throwing up on you.
3. Walking around with your barn door open.
4. Spending more than two minutes with Paula Abdul.
5. Spending more than two seconds with Richard Simmons.

We found this undated picture of America’s favorite pig; Porky Pig.   We have to wonder, when he says “That’s All Folks,” is that a threat?

Please Porky, say you’re not to blame for spreading the swine flu.

Awesome video out over the weekend of a bull rampaging through a grocery store in Ireland.

Rated R – 1h36

Reviewed 4.20.09

If you can accept the bizarre nature of this film, it’s not bad entertainment.

Crank: High Voltage is the less stellar, yet still watchable sequel in the Chev Chelios chronicles. We pick up at the end of the last film, where Chelios (Jason Statham) falls from an airplane and dies. Or at least we think he did. Instead, Chinese mobsters scrape up his body from the streets in hopes of preserving his indestructable heart. (After surviving the last film’s ordeal, its believed that his heart has mythic powers.)

They replace his heart it with a battery operated one. The catch is, he has to continually charge it to stay alive as he searches for his real heart. Sure, the plot stretches to the realm of completely unbelievable B.S., but at least its original.

That leads to the insane flurry sequences that remind me of a first person shooter video game. Among the things Chelios must do to charge his heart include sticking his finger in a cigarette lighter, rubbing up against people to create static electricity and grabbing hold of a power transformer.

It’s certainly not a movie for everyone. There’s a lot of really offensive material, but that’s the point. Crank pushes action violence to a satirical level.

If you happened to have attention deficit disorder, are drinking a six-pack of Red Bull, and eating Extreme Doritos, you’ll be quite entertained.

Rated PG-13 – 1h42

Reviewed 4.20.09

If I had the chance to go back and do it all again, I’d watch 17 Again, again.

17 Again takes the familiar theme of an adult being allowed to go back to their youth. Matthew Perry is the 30-something guy who has given up on his basketball hopes and dreams after making the choice to stick with his pregnant girlfriend in High School. He neglects his family and passively lets his life pass him by.

That’s until fate turns him into his 17-year old self (Zac Efron) and he tries to rewrite his life.

Efron is comical, spouting off grown up advice to fellow students and his own children, all while his outside shell screams awkward teenager. Credit also goes to the near scene stealing relationship between Thomas Lennon and Melora Hardin.

This isn’t Hollywood gold, but it’s not bad for a teenage comedy. Credit does go to Efron. The kid’s got charisma, which could transform him into something bigger.

Yeah…we’re feeling lazy today.  Here’s a dog barking along to the piano that he’s playing.  You can never have too much of that.

After posting that horrific audio of what we thought was Beyonce’ performing on the Today Show…it turns out it was just a fake.

Have a listen

What isn’t a fake, is that Beyonce’ has a movie coming out on Friday.  Damn the man, she pulled one over on us.

We found a great example of noise pollution here.  This is from The Today Show last year, where Beyonce’ gave an unedited mix of her song “If I Were A Boy.”  OMG! Is that what a cat being strangled sounds like?

Download

Thanks to Howard Stern for this audio.

Britain’s Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle is creating a cluster storm of hype, but is this really that big of a story?

Sure she’s got a great voice, but if she wasn’t homely looking, would this really have been news.  Don’t get me wrong, but I think everyone is fascinated with her because is kind of a beauty-beast thing.  There’s plenty of good singers out there who aren’t “beautiful.”

Why focus on her?  Because we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover?  For my money, you can skip the After School Special.

Guess I shouldn’t talk.  The Charlie Horse, who represents me is literally a horse face.